


...And the Bees

by Zanganito



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Bees & Beekeeping, CCD, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanganito/pseuds/Zanganito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>L, Light, and the rest of the cast are honey bees.  100% crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...And the Bees

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Death Note isn't mine.

Bees were dying. Sometimes they died in the hive with their tongues sticking out, other times they left and never came back.

There was much buzzing and unhappy muttering about what they must do if this increase in bee-deaths continued. L, the drone among them who had achieved widespread bee-fame for mastering advanced mathematics was the first to propose a solution.

“First, I think the foragers should work on increasing the honey stores in the hive,” he said.

“How will that help?” Aizawa snapped, angrily snapping her wings and sticking out her mandibles.

“It won’t,” L droned on, “But at least we will have enough sweets, I mean, food.”

“L, stop fooling around,” said Light, the only other drone in bee-dom to also master statistics.

Watari approached to give L his hourly honey snack. Watari was unusual in that she had previously worked as a forager, but returned to the hive to tend to one of the male bees, namely L. Usually it was the young nurse bees who tended the hive.

Feeling much better after sucking the regurgitated honey off of Watari’s tongue, L said, “Currently, foragers are dying at a rate that is 30% higher than normal.”

“What does that mean?” asked Matsuda.

“It means that soon this colony will not be able to sustain itself, and we will all die.”

They buzzed in horror.

“Which is why it is of the utmost importance that we figure out what is causing this mysterious increase in bee-deaths,” L concluded.

They argued among themselves, some saying that perhaps the humans had pheromone marked some flowers nearby. Or perhaps the varroa mites had returned.

“We also have to consider the possibility,” L said, swiveling so that his large bulbous eyes stared at each and every one of them. “That one of us is responsible for the problem.”

They all gasped, and Light furtively told a varroa mite named Ryuk to hide on the underside of his tergites for now.

 

So they came to a bee-consensus that the foragers would work on keeping the supplies at optimal levels, while the rest of them remained vigilant for any sign of suspicious activity.

Then, since the hive had no more need for drones for some time, L and Light were thrown out of the colony to starve.

“Well I must say,” L said morosely. “This is a rather disappointing end.”

 

\--

L woke up with a start. He was in his own bed. He did not have a fuzzy abdomen or protruding antennae. A cold handcuff still encircled his wrist. He paused in thought for a moment before thwacking Light over the head with a pillow. “That’s the last time I let you watch Discovery Channel before bed, Light-kun.”

Light grumbled and muttered under the pillow, then tossed it off. “Did you have weird dreams too? Serves you right for eating that seventeen layer cake right before you went to sleep.”


End file.
